“I stand in awe of my body” –Henry David Thoreau

Body image and how we view ourselves is an extremely delicate, contentious yet socially relevant topic. My earlier post around comparison and how we view ourselves touched upon similar aspects of how image and our aesthetic effects us psychologically, but this post will focus more about mental health and our own perspective on how we look.

Firstly, it doesn’t matter how we perceive others to look-how they view themselves will never be clear, and everyone has a very different idea of how they want to feel and appear. Each individual has a different idea of a desirable physique, level of fitness and strength. Some of the most stable people I’ve met have never step foot in a gym and it simply doesn’t bother them, whereas I know individuals who go to the gym religiously, plan every meal meticulously to the last calorie and appear to be in great shape, but are fundamentally unsatisfied with how they appear and ultimately, feel. There is no “good” way to look, it’s totally subjective and like I’ve mentioned in previous posts, there are great deal of genetic, environmental and many other factors than contribute to how an individual feels and looks.

Image is everything. The quickest and easiest way for us to gain information about someone is by judging how they look. Everyone does it, it’s evolutionary and nothing to be ashamed of. We’re genetically hard-wired to make judgements about those around us to make decisions about them. Therefore it’s only natural that we try and make ourselves feel and appear as healthy and happy as possible-the lines between vanity and body confidence are blurring for a number of reasons. There is nothing wrong with having confidence in ones body and how they look and feel, but there is no doubt that the influence of social media and the obsession with how we appear on it has taken its toll on social media users wellbeing and perception of ourselves. The usage of Instagram in particular has warped our perception of what beauty, attraction and a socially acceptable body looks like. Steps taken by Instagram to remove the users ability to see how likes a post has is a step in the right direction, but the lack of context and understanding about why someone looks the way they do is a deeper cause for the obsession of aesthetic that we as a generation are embroiled in.

The fitness industry and its grip on social media has become stronger. There are some genuinely useful and well-meaning pages that are circulating, with positive, honest and informative content. However, the reality stars pushing diet pills, appetite suppressors and other damaging supplements are making money for companies and vice-versa, meaning they are far more prominent and having a real lasting impact on those who want a quick fix. Unfortunately the amount of money which is spent on surgery, personal trainers, steroids and other factors isn’t included in the info they provide, all of which are a huge factor in how they look in their posts. This isn’t the case in every post but is most definitely part of what people see every day, whether they want to or not. It impacts people’s thinking and ideas around what is healthy and achievable, as well as appealing to their impulsive desires and, more importantly, self-esteem.

We all look at someone else’s gym routine, apparent level of fitness, strength and how they appear and wish that we could compete similarly. I know that I do, and I think that’s healthy-it shows desire to improve and develop on a number of levels. Within reason however. Understanding the limits of our own bodies is important, as well as informing ourselves about the benefits of how and why we train. We all are impacted in different ways by strength training, training for lean muscle gain, training for mass, cardiovascular training, the list goes on-whichever it may be, it never affects two people the same. It’s the same for food, our body types, our jobs, our genetics. The list of factors for why we look and feel the way we do, and react to training, is almost endless. This is why uninformed comparison can be so damaging, it’s simply scientifically inconsistent. Someone working 9 hours a day with family commitments and a host of other responsibilities isn’t going to be able to look the same as an individual with meal plans, time and resources to buy the ideal ingredients, an experienced personal trainer and hours of the day to dedicate to training. It’s quickly forgotten that the majority of people who are making an individual feel bad about how they look are actually paid to look the way they do.

I definitely don’t look the way that I want to. It used to frustrate me, and still does occasionally-but I also then remember that I’ve come quite a long way in both how I feel, look, perform and my attitude towards training and fitness. My mindset is now to embrace that I don’t look how I want to, rather than fight it. I also look at all the different factors stopping me from feeling truly satisfied-all of which are essentials for feeling pleased in other areas of my life. I could spend 3 hours in the gym a day and eat within specific parameters around calories and I would probably be extremely happy with how I look and feel as a result. However I’m almost certain I’d be less happy with other aspects of my life-I wouldn’t be able to spend as much time doing things that enrich my life in other ways, like playing football, reading, swimming, watching Netflix-whatever it may be, balance is absolutely necessary. I enjoy eating peanut butter out of the jar or an entire pack of custard doughnuts in one. If I didn’t, I might look better (from some people’s perspective, including my own), but I definitely wouldn’t be as happy. That is not in any way a negative comment on those that do meal prep every week and train for hours-I admire those people’s dedication and focus hugely. It’s just not for me at this moment in time.

No one should feel like they should have to do such things. Just because someone else looks, trains or eats in a certain way, doesn’t have any affect in the way anyone else chooses to do those things. Guilt is a trick used by the fitness industry to make us feel negatively about our body image, but getting back control of our emotions, perspective and understanding of ourselves as fitness enthusiasts (or otherwise) is fundamental in having a more positive mindset. Body image means a lot to some people, which is absolutely fine-but it’s not everything.

“Information is the resolution of uncertainty.” -Claude Shannon

Uncertainty is rife in gyms and training. Every enthusiast of fitness-whether they are cardio-centred, more focussed on weight training, or perhaps leaning towards functional training such as CrossFit-knows the feeling of going to a new gym. A new environment can take a while to get comfortable in, and you tend to stick out like a sore thumb when you are a new gym user-not that anyone particularly cares (at least not as much as the individual thinks they do). Honestly. Most people are far too focussed on their own workouts to care what the person next to them is doing. Unfortunately however, the person training dangerously or ineffectively is slightly more obvious.

Information is everything when it comes to training in a meaningful or systematic way-30 minutes of research could completely change ones perspective ok how and why they train. As I’ve mentioned before, me and my 16 year old mates flooding into the gym just went straight to trying to lift as much weight as we could-until a brief conversation with the in-house personal trainer changed my perspective. He swiftly made me realise that not only were we training in a way that wasn’t progressive, it was also putting my health and functionality at risk by not building myself up first. He also made it clear that building up foundation muscle was fundamental in making any sort of progress, and a combination of positive nutrition and informed, safe training methods was effective-surprisingly so. Using TRX ropes combined with basic set structure, with slow eccentric phases and more explosive concentric phases built me up fairly quickly-and noticeably too as I have a natural Ectomorph body type (skinny, slim and not particularly strong). I had to up my calorie intake as well and bought mass-gain powder whilst powering through bowls of rice, tuna and cheese. Semi-informed, this made a fairly positive difference and I started to work large muscle groups with a focus on compound lifting. Moving to university after a couple of years of slightly inconsistent training meant I was in fairly good shape and, moving forward, could have complete agency over my diet and training regime as the gym was on campus. I thought I was going to make progress with ease!

Wrong. There is so much more to making meaningful progress than eating lots and hitting a few compound lifts a week. I was genuinely shocked at how little I knew when comparative behemoths were chatting about hypertrophic training, functional CrossFit sessions and reverse pyramid training. Fortunately in the football team there were a few lads on their sports and exercise science degree who imparted their ever-increasing wisdom on me. Chuck in a few training sessions a week plus a game and I was probably in a calorie-deficit (which means I was losing weight). Not great news for progressing my strength or size and I still was struggling to eat enough due to a hectic schedule and a few nights out a week-fresher year is there to be enjoyed though. I don’t regret it in the slightest as that year was a huge learning curve in more ways than one.

Training with no real understanding of what, why and how you’re doing exercises is a quick way to burn yourself out and become unenthused. No one wants to have inconsistent and meaningless workouts, but it’s an easy trap to fall into when you haven’t got clear objectives and understanding of how to achieve them. Training becomes monotonous, and there’s little worse than putting in 2/3 hours of physical exertion for no actual benefit. It’s imperative to give yourself a schedule once goals are established and stick to it with a degree of flexibility-life gets in the way in an unpredictable manner. No matter whether one wants to lose weight, gain lean muscle, gain mass, become more functional or whatever it may be, it can’t be achieved without knowing how to get there.

The way to fully eliminate the chances of training dangerously and unproductively is by getting a personal trainer. Very simply, on the whole they are extremely well informed and only increasingly so with the constantly progressing nature of science within the field. Many now have degrees and the amount of work they have put in on both practical and theoretical levels is huge. Finding the right personal trainer can make a immeasurable amount of difference, no matter the depth of research an individual could do.

The fitness industry is intimidating by its own nature in that the amount of science introduced into its mainstream, as I’ve previously mentioned-especially for new gym users. With that comes confusing and seemingly complex jargon. Keep it simple, find an objective, work out how your body best responds and stick a routine without getting caught up in gimmicks and progress follows naturally.

“The secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.” -Mark Twain

Food shapes us-literally. I notice a huge spike in my mood when I’ve eaten and drank well. It might be down to the fact I feel positive about the fact I’m doing my mind and body good, but there is a great deal of scientific proof which suggests eating well makes us feel better in a number of ways. This seems obvious, so it seems strange that many of us don’t put a conscious effort into consuming healthier foods. Commitments such as work and relationships can strain us and put pressure on our eating habits, but the key to improving our diets lies in informing ourselves. Once the basics are broken down, understanding what to put in our bodies and crucially, how much to consume becomes simple. Personally, I’m of the belief that food can only be defined as unhealthy when it is combined with frequency of consumption.

Within the fitness industry, there is a lot of confusing jargon around food-namely the term ‘macros’. This simply means Macronutrients, which are the terms you may read on the back of the packaging of your food-protein, carbohydrates, fat and so on. I check labels religiously, and it can be very time consuming when you’re just grabbing lunch on your break. Going food shopping with my housemates has been frustrating for them in the past, understandably when I’m agonising over the amount of protein in yoghurt. I’m not going to pretend I calculate my intake to the last calorie, but I know how much of everything I’m consuming in each day and keep a tally in my head. I used to use a macro-counting app, but scanning and searching for items became far too much of a chore and I was starting to become obsessive. Now, I know roughly how much protein, fat, carbs and calories I want to consume and do so by making the extra effort to check and count it all-which really isn’t as difficult or boring as it sounds once you’re used to it.

Something I’ll never forget reading is the statement that 70% of our physique is determined by what we eat, and the other 30% is actual training. Now, I’m not sure how scientifically accurate this is as there are a host of genetic and environmental factors to include, but research suggests this is a fairly accurate estimation for the general public. It’s about finding a balance. There is no point exercising 6 days a week if you don’t adjust your diet accordingly and fuel your body appropriately. Supplements are helpful and can help add in extra macronutrients when making another meal can be inconvenient or unmanageable. I used to eat pretty well growing up as my family ensured I knew the benefits of eating well and made sure they provided healthy meals, so I was very lucky in that respect and it gave me a head start. I also enjoy cooking and watch an obscene amount of food-related videos. My Instagram discovery page is almost exclusively videos of food being cooked, which I could watch endlessly.

Attending university was a big culture shock from an eating perspective. I no longer had healthy meals cooked from scratch for me and had to take responsibility of maintaining a good diet, which can be extremely difficult for a student with a busy schedule and no car. I definitely was not in a consistent and overly healthy routine at university, but I always made sure I put the effort in to try and eat well and in comparison to some of the stuff I’ve seen students eat, I’ve not done too badly. I used to underestimate the importance of eating enough fruit and vegetables and just tried to pack in as many calories and grams of protein as I could, until I realised I couldn’t get by on tuna pasta and multivitamin tablets. I now put in far more effort into eating several portions of fruit and vegetables and feel far better for it-both mentally and physically. The standard recommended intake of fruit and vegetables in the UK is portions a day to be 5. The Japanese Government advises 9. Their average life expectancy is a few years higher than ours, which has dropped by 6 months recently. Draw your own conclusion.

The formula for losing weight is very simple. Burn more calories than you consume, and you’ll lose weight. Consume more than you burn, and you’ll gain weight. There no secret or trick to it, and that’s the rule I’ve applied to my diet in trying to maintain a healthy weight where I can play competitive sport and use the gym, but also enjoy food. I don’t cut anything out of my diet and eat pretty much what I like-within reason. I like McDonald’s and KFC, I love fatty food like cheese and pizza and won’t ever deny myself of them occasionally, as long as I’ve eaten well and don’t have football the following day. I also have found the healthier foods I most enjoy and incorporate them into my diet too. It’s balanced. I struggle to eat food early in the morning as my appetite is low and will only have some fruit, yoghurt and a breakfast bar of some kind until lunch when I make up for it by eating a large meal. I supplement my diet with protein shakes which I add peanut butter, honey and fruit to which adds calories, flavour and nutrients. It requires a little extra effort but once a routine is formed, it’s very easy to consistently eat appropriately but enjoy it. Nothing has to be cut out and I’m open minded, so I’ll try new foods as long as I’m getting the sufficient macronutrients for me to maintain my weight. I struggle to put weight on and so can afford to be quite lenient with what I eat, but forcing down disgusting mass gainer shakes when I was younger was pretty difficult and I can confidently say I’d rather eat a little less and put on weight more easily-but I’m used to it and now have a good understanding of my body, what it reacts best to and what can backfire (almond milk will disable me due to stomach pains for at least an hour).

The pressure on people to eat well yet juggle their increasingly stressful and hectic work lives, as well as have a social life, spend time with their families and stay fit-plus take part in any hobbies they may have is borderline unreasonable. This, I feel, is the root cause of the emergence of dangerous and misleading products such as diet pills, appetite suppressants and metabolism accelerators. The culture of C-list celebrities promoting them on social media is reckless and a lack of general information about such products and their dangers is road that so many have gone down, it may be irreversible. Their contribution to eating disorders and complete obsession with body image is another subject and will be visited in a future post, but there is no doubt there is a link between food, social media and the capital to be made by selling such dangerous products. The monetary incentive is obvious for many companies who don’t truly care about their target markets wellbeing. If we crave food, it’s because our mind and body want it-which is completely natural and fine, within reason! Balance is the key in any diet, and every individuals body is different. Informing and supporting ourselves and one another is fundamental when it comes to nutrition, and enjoying food is part of enjoying life-if eating brown rice and chicken every day makes you truly happy, do it. But being afraid of an occasional burger and missing meals if you do succumb to “unhealthy” food is not sustainable, rational or constructive to a healthy outlook towards all aspects of life.

“Whether you think you can, or you can’t-you’re probably right.” -Henry Ford

I’m not a huge fan of motivational quotes. Cringeworthy, generic and usually not applicable to the most difficult endeavours in life, I think one of the worst things about the fitness industry is the motivational post. A picture of a sweating athlete with a grayscale filter and some block lettering over the top does very little for me. However, Henry Ford was on to something with the very simple quote above. I’d be hugely surprised if he was thinking about the gym when he spoke those words though. Belief in oneself is an underrated personality trait, and the psychological barriers we put up when challenges arise is a defence mechanism against the prospect of failure. I’ve had the fortune to be bought up in a household where I was told I could do anything I wanted, which slowly bred the mindset within me that I’m capable of anything (within reason).

I’m aware that this isn’t the case with everyone, and consider myself lucky that I have assurance from those around me that I can do whatever I like and want if I put the effort in. This has driven me further as it’s made me realise I won’t understand what my potential is unless I keep trying things and pushing myself. Not necessarily just from a fitness perspective, but in all aspects of what I choose to do. I think this is aided by the fact I have a hugely competitive streak and have found it helpful to be extremely organised when it comes to using the gym and competitive sport. I hate being late, I cannot stand rushing and I like knowing exactly what I’m doing in each day. I feel this allows me to focus and perform how I would like to. Every evening after work, I pack my bag for the following morning and lay out my gym wear. It takes 5 minutes and keeps me in a routine. It also eliminates excuses and overthinking as I have found that it’s very easy to talk yourself out of a gym session. No need for motivational quotes when I simply can get ready in about 20 minutes without agonising about whether to make the effort or not.

We all need a little help with motivation at times-some look to the aforementioned vague quotes found all over social media, which is fine. A huge amount of motivation comes from within however, meaning being honest with oneself and creating objectives are two easy ways of staying focussed. Personally, I have got to the stage where if I have struggled to fit in a gym session or some form of exercise in a day, I genuinely feel a small amount of guilt creep over me. It’s not particularly healthy or even rational, but it does get me to the gym sometimes and I always feel better afterwards. You get a small sense of accomplishment once you’ve finished and knowing that feeling is coming can be an incentive in itself. I often ask myself if I’ve done anything productive that day, have I tried my best and pushed myself at all? Going to the gym with a half-committed attitude is easy, especially when you’ve been at work all day or there’s something else at home you’d rather be doing. I’ve done it plenty of times and I’m not afraid to admit it. When you’re alone in the gym it becomes even harder, and sticking to your task can become almost unbearable when you start to argue with yourself. Working out a way to stay on-task can take time and patience, and won’t always be helpful in using your time wisely.

I heard a quote the other day from a sponsored Forex trader on Instagram (the best source of cringe-worthy and generic advice if you’re looking for it) which stated “if you’re struggling, remember why you started in the first place.”. On face value, this might even seem fairly rational and stable advice. Apply it to the gym and fitness however and you’re in trouble. I started going to the gym years ago, with almost no knowledge about healthy and productive lifting. I wanted to get more athletic (whatever that meant in my 17 year old head) and worried more about my arms growing than being functional and strong. If I reverted back to why I started in the first place as a way of getting myself to work out, I’d be bicep-curling and bench pressing every day. This is why it’s important to look forward to what your objectives are, rather than back to when you began. I understand the sentiment, but feel it has little relevance to those looking to actively improve their health, body composition and general fitness and wellbeing through gym usage. Make objectives, listen to your body and think about how you can improve. This is a more fundamental and measured way of motivating oneself.

It’s impossible to be consistently motivated all of the time. Even professional athletes aren’t, and it’s natural that motivation ebbs and flows. The last week and a half has been particularly tough mentally, due to friends visiting, work commitments and general fatigue. Accepting that this is part of life has been my response, and refocusing by allowing myself to enjoy a weekly ‘cheat’ meal as well as not being too hard on myself has helped. I eased off slightly with regards to gym usage and a couple of sessions have been shorter and less productive than I would have ideally liked. I had a rest morning the other day, threw myself into football training that evening and gave myself plenty of time for a demanding leg day on the day of writing this. Remaining thoughtful and having some perspective on my situation has been helpful and given me a chance to refocus.

I had an interesting and an in-depth conversation about motivation with my line manager this week. She asked what got me out of bed in the morning and my first thought was “Well if I don’t get up and go to the gym and work, I don’t get paid and can’t pay rent/bills/food/exist…”. I resisted the urge to say this and after a long and revealing conversation, I realised one of the first things I thought of was the gym. I do go to the gym every weekday morning before work, and was almost pleased that I had coached myself into recognising this as a requirement of my day. It validated my efforts, which are reflected in my physical output. I’ve never felt stronger or more physically capable, which made it even stranger to me that I felt demotivated this week. After some self-reflection and positive self talk, I allowed myself to relax, go a little easier on myself and switch off a little (something I find very hard to do). This got me back on track from a mental perspective and has allowed my motivation to return. I didn’t have multiple rest days, diet pills or a huge night out to get myself back to where I needed to be. A quiet word with myself and giving my mind a chance to recover did the trick. I know now I’ll attack the week effectively, and that came from within.

Little things can help. The gym and using it can be very monotonous at times, so having small incentives that aren’t goal-based can be hugely helpful in motivating oneself. I find new protein powder, gym clothing and music can help. Downloading a new album can allow a different frame of mind and looking forward to listening to it can change your perspective on a workout. I bought a new gym top recently which gave me another distraction from a potentially gruelling workout. My new protein powder is disgusting (took a risk with mint chocolate chip) but variety can help and choosing different fruits to mask its flavour was even an aid in getting me to the gym. Find the small things, use them and remember where you want to be-not why you started.

“Comparison is the thief of joy”. – Theodore Roosevelt.

Although I agree somewhat with the above quote, I feel as though there are many reasons whereby people aren’t happy in relation to the gym and their physique. Comparison is certainly a big factor however, and modern society has an obsession with the way we are ‘supposed’ to look. Social media is a classic example, where impossibly bronzed, toned and airbrushed models are dropped into our feeds relentlessly. Instagram is the main culprit, and I although I try to remain objective and not compare myself to anyone, it’s almost human instinct. I saw an advert for a men’s skincare brand recently featuring a chiselled, toned model-the advert hardly even made sense and the visuals had little relevance to the product advertised, but I found myself thinking “how has he got his Lats so well-formed?”. It’s so easy to compare oneself to people who make their living by looking the way that they do. If he didn’t look the way he did, he wouldn’t have been casted for that ad, and his place would have been taken by another model.

Self-doubt is the real catalyst for the damaging cycle of comparing ourselves to others. That’s the root of why we compare, because if we were more assured within ourselves, we wouldn’t feel the need to. I feel elements of self-doubt every day in many aspects of my life and I think it would be unnatural not to. I’m also extremely assured in other aspects, which I’m certain many of us do, but it goes under the radar as it comes with repetition and regularity. I am assured that I can do (most) aspects of my job very well, therefore I don’t doubt myself and can carry them out efficiently. I do it every day so this is a given. I’ve used the gym for 6 years, 4 of which in an actual structured and informed way, so I have a degree of confidence when I go. This is taken for granted because as soon as we start comparing ourselves to others in these environments, our rational thinking goes haywire. We see someone more toned, more muscular, fitter than us and instantly compare ourselves to them-it’s human nature. I spend a lot of time thinking about this and yet my first instinct when I see a similarly aged male, whether it’s his first time in the gym or he is a gigantic personal trainer, I compare myself in every way and suddenly, I’m back in an extremely unhealthy and counter-productive mindset.

A friend asked me yesterday morning “have you just been to the gym?”. I said that I had and immediately she responded “oh god, I said I was going to be good this week.”. Immediately a flood of questions came into my head. Why does it matter if I’ve been to the gym? Why do you feel bad because I’ve gone to the gym and you haven’t? Why are you only being ‘good’ this week? I didn’t say any of this obviously, I just laughed. Her path is totally different to mine-she has a child and a family, she is 6 years older, she doesn’t have a passion for, or play, competitive sport like me. She hasn’t for the past 14 years either, which I have religiously. Which is obviously fine-her choices and interests are very different to mine and I have gauged after a month of knowing her, we’re about as opposite as two people could be. After knowing this information, comparing the two of us seems absurd. Yet it was the first thing she said to me that day, which is reflective of this damaging comparison culture that we have created as a society. Not only are our lifestyles and interests very different, but clearly our mindsets too. Which is great!

There are a huge amount of factors that shape us in our day to day lives and how subconsciously operate. Genetics play a key role in how we look and feel when it comes to physical excursions. I used to be very slim and still have very skinny wrists, ankles and my waist could still squeeze in 29inch jeans. This isn’t something I can control and doesn’t hugely bother me-if anything it’s an occasional reminder of how different I could look and more importantly, feel. But it runs far deeper than this. In ideal conditions, DNA can last around 6.8 million years, but can only be readable after about 1.5 millions years. The oldest recorded DNA was found in Greenland ice, and is estimated to be between 450,000 and 800,000 years old. Scientists claim that more than 50% of our behaviour is inherited and can affect our views on politics and religion greatly. To suggest the key life decisions we make that shape our paths are already pre-written into our genetic code is unfathomable and is certainly still up for debate. This is far from a scientific blog, but it’s worth noting that those who dedicate their lives to such research have argued that we can attribute our decision making to genes we have no control over. An inherent desire to believe in a religion, support a political party or simply go to the gym can’t be coached and requires a huge amount of deep thought and open mindedness to shift. Most don’t even consider trying for the former for obvious reasons, but the amount of people that make New Years resolutions to go the gym must be in the millions worldwide.

That puts things in perspective a little. There’s a huge amount of interesting material to be read about DNA, genetics and how it shapes us out there. It most definitely humbled my perspective on our differing mental approaches to our lifestyle choice and how we are physically defined.

As I’m writing this, opposite me is a 6’4 gentleman who I see almost every time I go to the gym, and who is pretty huge in every way. He looks like he could pick me up and throw me to the other side of the room if he wanted to. He’s the closest thing to a walking fridge-freezer I’ve seen. He also is struggling to bench press more than 5 reps of a weight I could fairly easily push out 10-12 reps without thinking. This is far from a boast, just an observation of how our genetics can have an impact on our appearance. Appearances can be hugely deceiving and it’s not healthy, constructive or even scientifically consistent to look at the person next to us and define our ability or worth by their standards. Their Neanderthal ancestors might have been bodybuilders.

Thank you for sharing the journey with me!

“Training gives us an outlet for suppressed energies created by stress and thus tones the spirit, just as exercise conditions the body.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Fitness, exercise and it’s place within our lives is widely underestimated. As the quote from Arnold Schwarzenegger above suggests, exercise is multi-faceted and has a profound effect on us in a number of ways. This is despite the main reason 1 in 7 UK citizens are a member of a gym-for the apparent physical benefits. The reason I started using the gym was the same. As a skinny 17 year old boy, the obvious motivation (like many of my friends and peers) was to gain muscle, get stronger and inflate my ego. I am now 23 and although I still have performance and physique-related goals, I attribute a great deal of my intrinsic motivation and rigid routine to the feeling I have when I finish a gym session, rather than how it makes me look. It’s a cycle of mental persuasion, planning, execution and satisfaction which I go through 5/6 days a week.

It’s not easy. In fact, recently it’s become a great deal harder. I graduated university a year ago and then spent another year as Vice President of the Student Union in the same social bubble. So since the age of 19 when I became a ‘fresher’, it allowed me to get a pretty flexible routine whereby I could enjoy all the benefits of being a student studying a sports degree-the aforementioned social events, the regularity of being able to play football with those closest to me, and learning more about a degree which I largely enjoyed-accompanied by regular gym sessions. Gym sessions and usage came easy as the university was small and I could walk from one end of the main campus to the other (where the gym was) in 5 minutes. I spent 45-60 minutes in the gym a day and maintained my decent physique, sandwiched between lectures, football training and perhaps pre-drinks. All with my friends and those closest to me. I researched what and how to eat to gain weight, but coupled with nights out and unpredictable game schedules, I didn’t add a lot of muscle. My last year working full time at the university added structure to this schedule, and I went every day after work. Because I went out less and played less football, I could make a little more progress. It was fun and easy.

No longer. After my 4 years in the same gym, similar circles and slightly varying schedules which I always adapted to, its all gone. I moved 20 minutes along the coast to Portsmouth, and am renting a flat with a friend I lived with in my first year in halls, and my final year as VP. I got a demanding job as a manager of a tuition centre, with 9 hour days operating in an environment which has little-to-no relation to my core personal interests and passion. I work until 8pm most days meaning the chance for kickstarting any sort of social life has been a challenge. Not only do I know no-one locally, I wouldn’t be able to do anything with them. My housemate works late shifts in a theatre bar. Gym sessions are no longer motivated by people when I can’t be bothered or am too swamped to go-it’s now entirely intrinsic. I’ve convinced myself this is a good thing as it means less chatting and uploading embarrassing videos of my friends final-rep facials, and more time to squeeze in another set of dumbbell flies (why won’t my shoulders grow?!).

It has its benefits, but I also have a lot of time to think about my isolation. The gym is very different too. My university gym was small and if I hazarded a guess, my new gym’s weights area is roughly 20 times bigger. I counted 32 people in there the other day-if there was 32 people in my old gym, I think about 20 would be waiting to use equipment. The personnel is far different. I could go in my previous gym in any given day and not only would it be me and maybe 3/4 others (usually my friends who I arranged to meet there), but I would feel as though we owned the place. It was like our private gym. Now, there are hulking, posturing, staring mountains clad in Lycra, grunting and offering out unwanted advice to those around them. There are countless people wandering around, jumping on any vacant machine and nervously sipping from their bottles of water whilst a well-attended cardio fitness class is being instructed by personal trainers with incredibly loud music pumping out, violating my eardrums. This is a different set up in every way I could’ve imagined.

Adapting mentally has been the toughest part of my new lifestyle, and I have to adopt a different mindset. I don’t have sport science Masters students as not only my friends, but personal advisors next to me as I squeeze out another rep while they remind me to engage my core. I can’t nip to the gym for a quick session before a lecture. I don’t get to pop to the gym after a day at work to be greeted by a few teammates from the football team. There are no sloppy post night-out sessions, sweating out the cider black from the night before and laughing with my best friend as we recall the antics. I’m hoping that this is a more mature step to fine-tuning my attitude towards training. I can focus more, plan my sessions more efficiently and fit more in. I look forward to the gym for different reasons now-it’s an escape from the world of full-time management and responsibility where I get to focus on me for an hour or so. I get to use far better equipment so I can finally hit that rear-delt movement properly. I can row until my stressful sales targets reach the back of my mind.

Gym no longer supplements my life. It has become a necessity. Walking home after 9 hours of non-stop work followed by a tough leg day is far more satisfying now than when I popped in for a chest pump and a chat with my friends. Is it as fun? No. It’s a different kind of fun, but it now keeps me sane, focussed and gets me through the mundanity of work. I’m hoping to become more goal-orientated and generally fitter as time progresses, as I have had no choice but to make it a safe haven.

Let’s see how long that lasts.