Comparison and how it drives us.

“Comparison is the thief of joy”. – Theodore Roosevelt.

Although I agree somewhat with the above quote, I feel as though there are many reasons whereby people aren’t happy in relation to the gym and their physique. Comparison is certainly a big factor however, and modern society has an obsession with the way we are ‘supposed’ to look. Social media is a classic example, where impossibly bronzed, toned and airbrushed models are dropped into our feeds relentlessly. Instagram is the main culprit, and I although I try to remain objective and not compare myself to anyone, it’s almost human instinct. I saw an advert for a men’s skincare brand recently featuring a chiselled, toned model-the advert hardly even made sense and the visuals had little relevance to the product advertised, but I found myself thinking “how has he got his Lats so well-formed?”. It’s so easy to compare oneself to people who make their living by looking the way that they do. If he didn’t look the way he did, he wouldn’t have been casted for that ad, and his place would have been taken by another model.

Self-doubt is the real catalyst for the damaging cycle of comparing ourselves to others. That’s the root of why we compare, because if we were more assured within ourselves, we wouldn’t feel the need to. I feel elements of self-doubt every day in many aspects of my life and I think it would be unnatural not to. I’m also extremely assured in other aspects, which I’m certain many of us do, but it goes under the radar as it comes with repetition and regularity. I am assured that I can do (most) aspects of my job very well, therefore I don’t doubt myself and can carry them out efficiently. I do it every day so this is a given. I’ve used the gym for 6 years, 4 of which in an actual structured and informed way, so I have a degree of confidence when I go. This is taken for granted because as soon as we start comparing ourselves to others in these environments, our rational thinking goes haywire. We see someone more toned, more muscular, fitter than us and instantly compare ourselves to them-it’s human nature. I spend a lot of time thinking about this and yet my first instinct when I see a similarly aged male, whether it’s his first time in the gym or he is a gigantic personal trainer, I compare myself in every way and suddenly, I’m back in an extremely unhealthy and counter-productive mindset.

A friend asked me yesterday morning “have you just been to the gym?”. I said that I had and immediately she responded “oh god, I said I was going to be good this week.”. Immediately a flood of questions came into my head. Why does it matter if I’ve been to the gym? Why do you feel bad because I’ve gone to the gym and you haven’t? Why are you only being ‘good’ this week? I didn’t say any of this obviously, I just laughed. Her path is totally different to mine-she has a child and a family, she is 6 years older, she doesn’t have a passion for, or play, competitive sport like me. She hasn’t for the past 14 years either, which I have religiously. Which is obviously fine-her choices and interests are very different to mine and I have gauged after a month of knowing her, we’re about as opposite as two people could be. After knowing this information, comparing the two of us seems absurd. Yet it was the first thing she said to me that day, which is reflective of this damaging comparison culture that we have created as a society. Not only are our lifestyles and interests very different, but clearly our mindsets too. Which is great!

There are a huge amount of factors that shape us in our day to day lives and how subconsciously operate. Genetics play a key role in how we look and feel when it comes to physical excursions. I used to be very slim and still have very skinny wrists, ankles and my waist could still squeeze in 29inch jeans. This isn’t something I can control and doesn’t hugely bother me-if anything it’s an occasional reminder of how different I could look and more importantly, feel. But it runs far deeper than this. In ideal conditions, DNA can last around 6.8 million years, but can only be readable after about 1.5 millions years. The oldest recorded DNA was found in Greenland ice, and is estimated to be between 450,000 and 800,000 years old. Scientists claim that more than 50% of our behaviour is inherited and can affect our views on politics and religion greatly. To suggest the key life decisions we make that shape our paths are already pre-written into our genetic code is unfathomable and is certainly still up for debate. This is far from a scientific blog, but it’s worth noting that those who dedicate their lives to such research have argued that we can attribute our decision making to genes we have no control over. An inherent desire to believe in a religion, support a political party or simply go to the gym can’t be coached and requires a huge amount of deep thought and open mindedness to shift. Most don’t even consider trying for the former for obvious reasons, but the amount of people that make New Years resolutions to go the gym must be in the millions worldwide.

That puts things in perspective a little. There’s a huge amount of interesting material to be read about DNA, genetics and how it shapes us out there. It most definitely humbled my perspective on our differing mental approaches to our lifestyle choice and how we are physically defined.

As I’m writing this, opposite me is a 6’4 gentleman who I see almost every time I go to the gym, and who is pretty huge in every way. He looks like he could pick me up and throw me to the other side of the room if he wanted to. He’s the closest thing to a walking fridge-freezer I’ve seen. He also is struggling to bench press more than 5 reps of a weight I could fairly easily push out 10-12 reps without thinking. This is far from a boast, just an observation of how our genetics can have an impact on our appearance. Appearances can be hugely deceiving and it’s not healthy, constructive or even scientifically consistent to look at the person next to us and define our ability or worth by their standards. Their Neanderthal ancestors might have been bodybuilders.